“I’m fine!” Ever use this
phrase? Avoid telling the truth about how you really are? It’s nobody’s
business anyway, right? No one really wants to hear how I really am, who’s got
time for that? How many times have you
used this response?
If you had asked me “how are you?” less than
five years ago, I most likely would have said, “I’m fine.” And behind that,
“I’m fine,” would have been a very thick mask and a solid wall to keep you far
away from the truth. If you were to ask me that same question today, I might
respond with, “I’m reasonably happy,” a phrase I learned from CelebrateRecovery.
We’ve all got stuff, junk, or as we call it in
Celebrate Recovery: “hurts, habits, and hang-ups.” You know, those things we
don’t share with anyone, but respond with, “I’m fine!” when asked how we are.
A “hurt” can be anything that has, well, hurt
you. Events like divorce (yours or your parents), the loss of a loved one, loss
of a job, abortion, miscarriage, another negative pregnancy test, abuse, neglect,
and so on can be considered a hurt.
“Habits” are the things we do sometimes to
avoid dealing with the real issue. Patterns of behavior like addictions, sleep,
over indulging in alcohol, self-medicating, over eating, gossiping, isolation, binge
watching Netflix, video games, and the like.
A “hang-up” can be a behavior or attitude such
as worry, anxiety, anger, fear, or depression. Or you may struggle with the
need to control things, your finances, or other people, people pleasing
(co-dependency), body image, or ever self-worth.
We all have these “hurts, habits, or hang-ups,”
but most of us are in a state of denial. When people ask, “How are you?” We
smile and say, “I’m fine.” We happily put on our masks, build our walls,
function through our transactional relationships and go about our day-to-day
routines. Those closest to us may even confront us and we deny our “hurts,
habits, or hang-ups” to the point of becoming angry or even alienating those
who are trying to help.
When
the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, we
will change.
When I got to this point in my life, I found
Celebrate Recovery. And when I found Celebrate Recovery, I found Jesus and a
few of his genuine followers. I was ready for change. I was ready to come out
of denial. I had no idea of the work I had ahead of me that night, but I just
knew I couldn’t continue in my current state. My mask was just too heavy to put
on another day.
Denial: de-ni-al – noun, the action of declaring
something to be untrue.
Coming out of denial is
Principle One of Celebrate Recovery:
“Step 1: We admitted we were
powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had
become unmanageable.”
“For I know that nothing good
lives in me, that is in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is
right, but I cannot carry it out.” – Romans 7:18
“Principle 1: Realize I’m not
God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing
and that my life is unmanageable.”
“Happy are those who know
they are spiritually poor.” – Matthew 5:3
This mask I wore looked
like a happy, bubbly, outgoing wife and mother. This mask I wore looked like a
dedicated employee and straight “A” non-traditional student. This mask I wore
looked like a Bible camp counselor and a Bible class teacher. Who would have
ever guessed I was crumbling inside?
What does YOUR mask look
like? Who would ever guess YOU are crumbling in side? Is YOUR pain of remaining
the same becoming greater than the pain of changing?
Stay tuned for more “CR
Shorts” about my journey to living authentically in Jesus through the help of CelebrateRecovery.
