Am I in Control or is I AM?

Control equals power! Or as the word is defined, “to have power over.” It must be human nature to want to control things, people, or outcomes, because so many of us work countless hours to do just that.

I’ve tried to control everything from what people think of me to the weather (yes, the weather). And I do not have the power to control either of those things or anything in between. When it all boils down I only have control over my thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. And at times even my behavior has been out of control!

Have you ever been responsible for a toddler? It’s the best way to demonstrate our lack of control or our powerlessness. You can put clothes on a toddler, but you cannot control whether or not they keep them on. You can prepare food for a toddler, but you cannot control whether or not they eat it. You can tell a toddler to “come here,” but my, oh my, you surely cannot make them come.

False control is really what we are all dealing with…like me thinking I could actually control the weather. Maybe I didn’t really think I could control it, but I surely have tried to ‘will it’ to be sunny on the weekends!

The holidays seem to bring about an even greater desire to control people and events. We spend time, energy, and money selecting the perfect gift for each of our loved ones, only to be disappointed when their reaction in opening the gift wasn’t as BIG as we hoped it would be. Or maybe that amazing new dessert or appetizer you found on Pintrest, that you worked hours to recreate, didn’t get the accolades or praise you had anticipated.

I was reading a passage in the book of Exodus this morning. You may be familiar with the story of the burning bush in chapter 3. Moses was going about his daily routine, tending to the flock of his father-in-law; when suddenly an angel of the LORD appeared to him in a blazing fire from the middle of a bush. Moses noticed that this bush was on fire, but it was not being consumed, so he moved a little closer.

Suddenly, Moses’s life was interrupted. He found himself going in a different direction than he had planned. You see, Moses (a Hebrew) was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, raised as royalty, killed an Egyptian, was pursued by Pharaoh (who wanted to kill him), ran away to Midian, got married and became a shepherd. (See Exodus 2 for the full story).

Back to chapter 3…from the burning bush, God tells Moses, “the cry of my people has reached me…now go, I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people (Israel) out of Egypt.” Wait! What! (Can’t you just hear Moses saying that?)

Moses protested, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh?” Did you forget that he wants to kill me? “Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” I’m a misfit, LORD, neither Hebrew nor Egyptian?

God says, “I’ll be with you.” Moses still unsure, protest again, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?” God replied to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. Say this to the people of Israel: I AM has sent me to you.”

Moses had no control over the people of Israel or how they would react to him. Moses had no control over Pharaoh’s decision to let God’s people go. Moses had no real control from the beginning of his life…his parents gave him up for adoption, although they did it to save him. Moses had no control over who raised him, although he grew up quite wealthy. And yet, both of these events shaped who he was and trained him for what was to come. Moses had no control over when, where or how God called him to this mission, and yet he did have control over his decision to follow or not.

Like Moses, there is truly very little that I have control over. Will my job continue until I’m ready to retire? Will the meringue turn out right for my banana pudding this time? Will my husband like the gift I painstakingly picked out for his Christmas present? Will my daughters like all of the items in their stockings? Will the ladies class enjoy the lesson I’ve prepared? Will the traffic be horrible when we head to Nashville tomorrow afternoon?

The answer to that last question is almost a guaranteed ‘yes,’ but how I react to it is the real question. How I react to all of those situations is the real question. In Celebrate Recovery terms, I think it’s time to revisit Principle 1, “Realize I am not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.” “Happy are those who know that they are spiritually poor.” – Matthew 5:3a

What are you still trying to control? Where do we start in our quest to stop trying to control everything? Maybe start by making a list of all the people, events, or outcomes you are trying to control. Putting things in writing is a great way to bring to light what you already know, but have not yet been willing to accept.

I often have to remind myself that like Moses, I am not in control, but the great I AM is, and He is so very much better at it than I am.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

I’m a huge Tom Petty fan. My husband treated me to tickets to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 40^th Anniversary concert tour in Nashville for my birthday last year. We attended in April 2017, Tom passed away in October of that same year. I have many favorite TP songs, including The Waiting. The chorus goes like this:

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

I’m fairly sure the song applies to finding that just right person in your life, but I think the chorus resonates in all areas of our lives…

·      Waiting to graduate

·      Waiting to find a spouse

·      Waiting to have a baby

·      Waiting on the results of a test

·      Waiting on the outcome of an interview

·      Waiting in line at the grocery store

·      Waiting for the trial you’re in the midst of to pass

I’ve been co-leading my third Celebrate Recovery Step Study this year. We began in March and will likely go through the end of the year. We are currently in the midst of writing our Moral and Spiritual Inventories. For those of you familiar with recovery, you know the inventory step is a hard one. For those of you who aren’t familiar, it is simply about evaluating your life…the good and the bad, and making a list of harms or hurts you’ve done to others or that have been done to you. But, it also includes all of the good stuff you’ve done.

This step, like healing in recovery, takes time. It’s a process. I mean, most good things do take time don’t they? Getting to the good stuff is a process…like homemade ice cream or learning to swim the freestyle gracefully (and without sucking water into your lungs). Okay, maybe those examples are just important to me, but surely you get my drift.

You’ve probably heard the old saying, “Good things come to those who wait,” or you maybe remember the 80’s Heinz “anticipation” commercial. Waiting isn’t much fun, but there are over 70 verses in the Bible that refer to patience as a virtue.  Yet, most of us pray, “Lord, give me patience…and give it to me now!”

The fact is the healing of a hurt, the overcoming of a habit, and the recognition of a hang-up takes time. Knowing which path to choose takes faith, trust, and waiting. We use a lot of phrases or clichés, if you will, in Celebrate Recovery and one of my favorites is, “Don’t quit before you get your miracle.”

Waiting is hard, y’all! We live in a microwave, instant pudding kind of culture. And we rarely have to wait for anything at all. Waiting does not mean idleness. Active waiting has to do with simply doing the next right thing. Here are some passages of scripture that help me when I’m in a season of waiting:

I love this passage of scripture from Isaiah 40:31

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

And another favorite is Romans 12:12

 

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Constant in prayer! That is it! That’s how we wait. Even Tom Petty said, “You take it on faith.” Waiting, like life, really shouldn’t be done alone. What is it you are going through right now? Who can you reach out to for support? Who can wait alongside you in this trial?

I’ll leave you with words of our Father from Hebrews 13:5

            I will never leave you nor forsake you.

You, my friend, are not alone. I sit here waiting with you.

Jesus, Gandhi, and Michael Jackson

When I was 14 I went with a couple of girlfriends to see the Jackson’s Triumph Tour at the Municipal Auditorium in Nashville. Michael had recently gone solo and had released his “Off the Wall” album in 1979 (pre Thriller), featuring his hit song, “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough.” A song that is impossible for me to sit still through, from the moment I hear the first note. I had followed Michael’s career from his early days with his brothers and still tear up when I hear him sing “I’ll Be There.”

My most favorite Michael Jackson song of all time was released in 1987, titled “Man in the Mirror.” The lyrics have resonated with me since it’s release:

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, the preeminent leader of the Indian independence movement in British ruled India; was born on October 2, 1869. He was best known as ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi. ‘Mahatma’ means ‘Great Soul.’ Although this civil rights activist for South Africa was assassinated on January 30, 1948, his most famous quote continues to be as relevant today as the day he first spoke the words:

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I am a Christ follower. I am imperfect, and flawed, but I am an open, honest, struggling, follower of Jesus Christ. The words of Jesus are important to me. I find it very interesting when I hear His words or His message being repeated in the words and messages of men and women throughout our history.

Like Michael Jackson and Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus shared a message about looking inward as a way to change the world. Or I as I like to tell the children I nanny for frequently, “worry about yourself.” We have a tendency to look at the faults and flaws of others and make suggestions or recommendations of how “they” can be better people, make better choices, or do things better. Or worse, we rant and rave about “them,” and point fingers of blame.

Jesus’ parable in Matthew 7, beginning in verse 3 goes like this:

Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Have you ever stopped to think what the world would look like if each of us spent more time “worrying about ourselves?” I’m not saying that in the sense that ‘I’m going to take care of me and mine.’ Nor am I saying we shouldn’t take care of the needs of others. Quite the contrary, I’m saying it from the context of Jesus’ parable. If we simply spent more time on the ‘man in the mirror,’ the world might truly be a better place.

Many years ago I worked for a boss I didn’t like. I focused on her flaws, mistakes, communication issues, etc. It wasn’t my fault; I was great at my job, why should I change to her way of thinking when I was already successful. Wow! That major log or plank growing from my eye prevented me from having a positive relationship with my boss. I was too busy focusing on the speck in her eye, that I couldn’t see that the reason we were butting heads was that I was constantly hitting her with my ‘plank!’ While I no longer work for this particular boss, I assure you many lessons were learned during in that season.

The year 2013 was a milestone year in my life; my husband and I went through a major transformation in our marriage. I dare say the primary factor in this miraculous change had to do with our focus. Our focus shifted from each other’s ‘specks’ (the faults, problems or issues we had with each other), to working on our own ‘planks,’ or character defects. Our simple (not easy mind you) shift of focus towards God, asking His help in showing us our own flaws made all the difference in our world.

In this season, following an election that has generated so much controversy, conflict, and blame; I want to challenge you to change the world! Change your relationships, change your focus, and change your world. Start with that “man in the mirror.” “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

In Celebrate Recovery, we would refer to Steps 6 and 7:

Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” - James 4:10

Step 7: We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” - 1 John 1:9

You may have spent so much time pointing out the ‘speck’ in everyone else’s eye, that you hardly notice the ‘plank’ or ‘log’ in your own eye. I challenge you to examine yourself. Do you struggle with anger, anxiety, close mindedness, control, fear, gluttony, humility, impatience, intolerance, jealousy, perfectionism, prejudice, resentment…the list could literally go on and on. Chose one, just one character defect or ‘plank’ that you and the ‘man (or woman) in the mirror’ could start working on right now. If your world becomes a better place, OUR world will become a better place.

Go now, and “worry about yourself” and “be the change!” Together, we can make this world a better place.