Have you ever obsessed
over something, even something good? So much so, that you let it consume you
and control your life? Have you ever focused so much on keeping a rule, that
you lost sight of the rule’s purpose? It reminds me of Jesus’ rant in Matthew 23:23-26:
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe
mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law:
justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without
neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a
camel!
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the
outside of the cup and plate, but inside they are full of greed and
self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the
plate, that the outside also may be clean.
Like the Pharisees, I
took something good and good for me and turned it into an obsession, a rule, a
thing that had to be done at all cost. I needed to make a change, and adjust my
thinking towards this activity.
My run streak ended on
day 693. Since November 26, 2014, I have run at least one mile a day for six
hundred and ninety-three consecutive days. Since January 1, 2015, I have run
for a minimum of 20 minutes a day for six hundred and fifty-eight consecutive
days. And finally, since November 22, 2015, I have run at least two miles a day
every-single-day.
On October 20, 2016, I'd
had enough. I was tired – nope – I was exhausted. It’s been a tough season…mentally,
emotionally, and physically. And on that unseasonably warm day, I had had
enough. Enough of the joint pain, enough of the muscle ache, enough of the
discipline, enough of the planning, just enough! I was tired, exhausted, and
fatigued. I needed rest. Rest for my muscles and joints, rest for my mind, and
rest for my soul...that is, if it's my soul who became weary, obsessed, feared
letting others down, bored, and overwhelmed at times. And so, I stopped. Just
37 days shy of two full years, I voluntarily ended my run streak. My knees and
right hip celebrated! Regardless of how close I was to perfecting two full
years of consecutive days of running, I needed this proverbial monkey off my
back!
Let me be clear, I didn't
quit running. I just quit the rule of running every-single-day. In fact, you
could say I took a break, because I ran again on Friday, October 21, without a
watch or running app mind you. It was freeing! The "every-single-day"
part was beginning to make me angry, obsessive, and a variety of other negative
traits. Believe me, it took just as much courage to end the streak as it took
me to start it in the first place! It was not a decision I took lightly. I
mulled it over for weeks and talked through it with my husband and niece before
making the decision. It was like Jesus points out in the verse above, “These you ought to have done, without
neglecting the others,” I had no plans of quitting this good habit; I just
needed to put it in its proper perspective.
If you wonder why I
started the run streak in the first place, here is the story I wrote in January
2015: Always a Runner.
Basically, I needed
discipline. I had gone through a journey of renewed commitment to Christ’s care
and control of my life. I had gone through an amazing transformation in my
marriage. I didn’t want to lose traction on this positive journey, so I decided
to set a fitness goal that would help with my lack of discipline. Runners and
the runningcommunity intrigued me, and quite honestly, I didn’t
think I could become one of them.
So why, did I end the run
streak? Well, although I outlined some of the reasons in the paragraphs above,
I’ll elaborate. I was dealing with an increase of joint and muscle pain. I’m
pretty sure much of this was mental, but the pain in my right hip would often
keep me awake at night, and interfere with a good night’s sleep. And I was
struggling the last few weeks. I was getting slower, not faster.
Another reason for
pressing the pause button on the run streak was boredom. I thrive on
flexibility and spontaneity, and I found nothing spontaneous about feeling
required to run everyday.
But, I think the biggest
reason I put a halt to the run streak was that the keeping of the rule, became
more important than the reason for the rule. I had become a running Pharisee. I
was more focused on getting the run done, than the benefit of running to my
health, or the benefit of daily disciplines. Even though my fitness coach, Wayne Burns advised me to approach the streak in the daily mantra of
"if I can, I will;" I twisted it into "I must, and I will at all
cost." See the difference?
I have a tendency to fall
into obsessive-compulsive behaviors and have an addictive personality. I became
obsessed with ‘when’ I’d get my run in, ‘where’ I would run, and mapped out my
schedule around my run. Vacations and out of town work-based travel became a
pain in the butt! I can only imagine how annoying I was to my family, friends,
and co-workers when I was obsessing over when I’d run. I even became angry with
a co-worker for being on the only treadmill in a hotel. How dare she occupy the only machine when I needed to run at a certain
time!
I dare say there was much
more good than bad that came from my run streak. It has really only been the
last few of months that it shifted from benefit to burden. Discipline was the
main benefit! I needed self-discipline in my life, and a daily run seemed to be
a simple way to accomplish this goal. The lesson of discipline has spilled over
into other areas of my life, as I have developed the daily discipline of
reading God’s word and praying. This good habit will continue to be a daily
non-negotiable! Discipline is a good thing, as written in Hebrews 12:11, “For the moment all discipline seems painful
rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who have been trained by it.”
I also learned time
management, the benefit of regular sleep, managing diet and nutrition, and
perseverance. I learned I could do whatever I set my mind out to do! Running is
much more mental than physical. Some days I ran just before midnight to get my
run in for the day. Other days I’d run at midnight when I needed to catch an
early flight, and the travel day wouldn’t permit me to get it in later. And
yes, I even ran when I had the flu, albeit slower, and in quarter-mile
increments with rest in between. Perseverance is a positive trait I can claim and own!
Another benefit was that I was encouraging others. I had friends
tell me that my run streak motivated them to improve their own physical
fitness. I also learned that isolation in any context is not good: alone time,
yes, but isolation, no. There is a difference. Although I had a great running community, I
avoided them because they didn't fit into my schedule. But whenever I would
join the group, I ran better than when I’d run alone. I was also skipping my group circuit class; I
would justify it because I had already run...but oh how I’ve missed this
community! Like many things, exercise is so much better when done in community
with others!
Ending the run streak was
a difficult decision. Do I consider myself a failure? Who would I be failing?
My family? My boss? Myself? My God? My fitness coach, Wayne Burns...or his wife
and my friend, Steph? After all, her run streak is twice as long as mine (and
as far as I know still going).
Believe me, I had to let this
decision swirl around in my head for a while, for weeks even, before deciding
to press pause on my daily streak. Would someone be disappointed in me? Would
someone I care about like me less if I stopped? Would I be letting someone
down? You see…my addictive personality was starting to show. I am addicted to
what others think of me, and I seek to avoid rejection. This is often referred
to as a love, romance, and relationship addiction; but, can also fall into the
character defect of co-dependency or people pleasing.
While starting the run
streak was a good thing and keeping it going for over a year had many positives
effects, it had started to become a negative thing for me. I was allowing it to
take over my thoughts, my plans, and my life. Thankfully, through Celebrate Recovery I've learned to take a
daily inventory and make amends to others, including myself, whenever possible.
Stopping the run streak before I completely loathed running was important to
me.
I know I have experienced
many of the positive results of running and I knew I wanted it to continue to
be a runner. I just knew I needed to make some adjustments. I also knew I had
other areas of my life I needed to focus on...nutrition and calorie intake for
one. As Coach Rod Key says, "you can't out exercise a bad diet."
I still need discipline.
I want and need non-negotiables in my life. And I will continue to set goals, and
stretch myself. I will just need to pepper them with self-love, grace, and
mercy. And continue to take a daily inventory to see how I'm doing.
I strive to be a better
version of me every day. I try to work on the mental, physical, emotional and
spiritual traits in my life. I hope to encourage others through my own
vulnerability and sharing of my story. You may not have a run streak issue to
deal with, but I challenge you to seek and discover what you have in your life
that has become Pharisaical in nature.
As I head out to run on
this beautiful sunny day, I’ll leave you with this verse from Hebrews 12:1-3:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of
witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily
entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing
our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before
him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of
the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that
you will not grow weary and lose heart.
#celebraterecovery
#iamfortified #fitness #pharisee #momentumrun #keyfitness #fortifiedfitness
#running #perseverance
