I'm Fine

“I’m fine!” Ever use this phrase? Avoid telling the truth about how you really are? It’s nobody’s business anyway, right? No one really wants to hear how I really am, who’s got time for that?  How many times have you used this response?

If you had asked me “how are you?” less than five years ago, I most likely would have said, “I’m fine.” And behind that, “I’m fine,” would have been a very thick mask and a solid wall to keep you far away from the truth. If you were to ask me that same question today, I might respond with, “I’m reasonably happy,” a phrase I learned from CelebrateRecovery.

We’ve all got stuff, junk, or as we call it in Celebrate Recovery: “hurts, habits, and hang-ups.” You know, those things we don’t share with anyone, but respond with, “I’m fine!” when asked how we are.

A “hurt” can be anything that has, well, hurt you. Events like divorce (yours or your parents), the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, abortion, miscarriage, another negative pregnancy test, abuse, neglect, and so on can be considered a hurt.

“Habits” are the things we do sometimes to avoid dealing with the real issue. Patterns of behavior like addictions, sleep, over indulging in alcohol, self-medicating, over eating, gossiping, isolation, binge watching Netflix, video games, and the like.

A “hang-up” can be a behavior or attitude such as worry, anxiety, anger, fear, or depression. Or you may struggle with the need to control things, your finances, or other people, people pleasing (co-dependency), body image, or ever self-worth.

We all have these “hurts, habits, or hang-ups,” but most of us are in a state of denial. When people ask, “How are you?” We smile and say, “I’m fine.” We happily put on our masks, build our walls, function through our transactional relationships and go about our day-to-day routines. Those closest to us may even confront us and we deny our “hurts, habits, or hang-ups” to the point of becoming angry or even alienating those who are trying to help.

When the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, we will change.

When I got to this point in my life, I found Celebrate Recovery. And when I found Celebrate Recovery, I found Jesus and a few of his genuine followers. I was ready for change. I was ready to come out of denial. I had no idea of the work I had ahead of me that night, but I just knew I couldn’t continue in my current state. My mask was just too heavy to put on another day.

Denial: de-ni-al – noun, the action of declaring something to be untrue.

Coming out of denial is Principle One of Celebrate Recovery:

“Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.”

“For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is right, but I cannot carry it out.” – Romans 7:18

“Principle 1: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.”

“Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.” – Matthew 5:3

This mask I wore looked like a happy, bubbly, outgoing wife and mother. This mask I wore looked like a dedicated employee and straight “A” non-traditional student. This mask I wore looked like a Bible camp counselor and a Bible class teacher. Who would have ever guessed I was crumbling inside?

What does YOUR mask look like? Who would ever guess YOU are crumbling in side? Is YOUR pain of remaining the same becoming greater than the pain of changing?

Stay tuned for more “CR Shorts” about my journey to living authentically in Jesus through the help of CelebrateRecovery.

Significantly Insignificant

I am not a professional blogger, but I occasionally, sporadically write for my blog.
I am not a gourmet chef, but I like to cook and think I cook well.
I am not a biscuit baker, but I make a pretty awesome iron skillet of cornbread.
I am not a pastry chef or delectable dessert maker, but I strive to recreate my mother's banana pudding and red velvet cake.
I am not as good at my job as I once was, but I am a recovering work-aholic and have a much more satisfying life.
I am not a perfect wife or mother, but I have a loving, forgiving husband and some really awesome daughters.
I am not the best friend a friend could have, but I am a friend who will walk alongside you through the good and the bad, without judgment or trying to fix you.
I am not an immaculate housekeeper, but friends and family are welcomed in my home anytime, without notice.
I am not an athlete, but I like to play.
I am not a teacher by trade, but I like to share thoughts and ideas about things I've read with others.
I am not a comedian, but I love to make people laugh.

I love water. I love being in it, on it, or under it.
I love oceans, lakes, rivers, creeks, streams, pools and bathtubs.
I love chimes on my front porch, comfortable pajamas, and a good story.
I love children and old people, but they can exhaust me equally.
I love to travel to places I've never been, but am always excited to return home.
I love the smell of sun dried laundry, coffee, babies, and bread.


Sometimes I'm selfish, or scared, or sad for no real reason.
Sometimes I make bad decisions, say bad words or even say something inappropriate or crude just to get a laugh.
Sometimes I over eat, over share, or over spend.

I stopped wearing a mask, and I've never felt more free.
I stopped wearing eye makeup, and I've never been seen more clearly.
I stopped coloring my hair, just to see what happens as I age and gray naturally.
I stopped worrying about having perfect attendance at church, and started being more concerned with how I act, think, speak, spend, eat, react, talk, love, treat others, or behave every day.

I hate when I compare myself to others, or worry what they think about me.
I hate when my words come out before I think about them, and can't get them back.
I hate when I hurt my daughter's feelings or rain on her parade.
I hate lines, and traffic, and poor service, but I'm learning there are life lessons in each of those.
I hate confrontation, but prefer it deeply over sweeping things under the rug.

My waistline is bigger than I'd like, but I eat ice cream anyway.
My feet, knees and hips sometimes hurt when I run, but I run anyway.
My handwriting is atrocious, but I write handwritten notes anyway.
My parents taught me some things directly, but so much more indirectly.

I wish I could tell the difference between someone complimenting me and mocking me.
I don't wish to read minds, but I do wish I could read motives.

I question when people use words like "always" or "never" or "everybody."
I question when people are vague or blame "they" or "them," but are unwilling to identify who.
I question when people are quick to complain, but slow to confront.

I am many things and nothing.
I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, disciple, employee, in-law, aunt, niece, care giver, law breaker, sinner, and nobody.
I am significantly insignificant, and I often wonder how, or even why, God will use me.

His story is bigger than I can imagine.
His love is more than I can fathom.
His mercy, His grace extend beyond boarders and boundaries.

He makes me perfectly me, I am nothing without I AM.

Front Porch Sittin'

I promised myself a few weeks ago that come March I would spend more time outside…praying, thinking, meditating. Specifically, sipping coffee on my front porch in the morning, as the sun would have already dried the furniture on that side of our house; and poolside in the afternoons, watching the sunset, sipping on a cool beverage, possibly fireside, reflecting the day.

Intentionally, praying to thank God for His gifts, talents, blessings, healing, forgiveness, family, and friendships. Intentionally, praying for each neighbor as I looked around the Ashley Lane Community…praying for open hearts, healing, and genuine community living. Intentionally, praying for personal struggles, our church, for our friends who are missionaries, for upcoming mission trips, for friend’s needs, and my family.


It rained heavily on March 1, so my plan did not become a reality. But today, as I write this, bright and early on March 2, the sun was shining! I grabbed a K-cup and brewed my favorite Gevalia Signature Blend into one of my favorite Turtleware Pottery mugs, with Proverbs 11:30 carved into the bottom rim. Wearing my favorite slippers, I snagged the Cannon County afghan off the couch (a memory of MaMa popped into my head), and I headed outside to our front porch and sat comfortably on our faux wicker settee.

The book I brought with me would have to wait a moment, as I breathed in the fresh air, listened to an amazing variety of birds singing, and enjoyed a neighbor’s chimes playing distantly in the breeze. I lifted up each neighbor (even when I couldn’t remember their name) to our Father, and then I began to read.

Currently, I’m reading a book by Kelly Minter, titled “No Other Gods.” I’m using this book as a guide for teaching our Ladies Bible Class on Wednesday nights this quarter. This book has enthralled me from the very first word. I frequently share an excerpt with my friend, Aletha via text.  And today, I decided to share in a blog…especially since I’ve been absent from blogging for a few of months.

I started a chapter called “Why Idols?” Much of this chapter, so far, reminds me of the Celebrate Recovery ministry that is so near and dear to me. There was this quote from Author Anne Lamott that says, “Almost everyone [is] struggling to wake up, to be loved, and not feel so afraid all the time. That’s what the cars, degrees, booze, and drugs [are] all about.”

Ahh, yes! So many hurts, habits, and hang-ups in our world today! So many of us hurting and trying to fill the void with busyness, stuff, food, and more! We fill the void by misusing drugs, alcohol, sex, fantasy and a variety of “bad” stuff; but we also fill the void by misusing “good” stuff: food, people/relationships, work, achievement, money, or entertainment, etc.

In the book, the author shares a story of a young girl who had been abused and struggled with one unhealthy relationship after another. Following a nine-month recovery program for abused women, she once again found herself in an unhealthy relationship with a man who didn’t have the same belief in God as she did, and was doing drugs. He enchanted her, as he would attend church with her, and he stopped doing drugs for her. She ended up falling into the trap of her own desires and slept with him, beginning the vicious cycle all over again.

The author intently listened as this young woman share her story, knowing that she could simply condemn her actions, but what good would that do? After all, as a Christian, she already knew God’s views on this situation. The author stated, “Truth that hadn’t made it into her heart because her pain and desire to be loved and held was so overwhelming she would justify any man in sight.” The author continues the story and begins to fixate on a crumb on the table, and her thoughts go to scripture, specifically Matthew 11:28.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, 
all you who are weary and burdened, and I will

give you rest.” Oh how we will travel to the ends of the earth, cross a busy, dangerous intersection, or swim through shark infested waters to go after our idol of choice. When with open arms, a Savior waits patiently for us to turn to Him. How sad our Father must feel when His own creation will fight with all our might for the crumbs of our own desires, when He has so much more for us.

All of these thoughts of hurting people in our world can sometimes make me feel heavy. I see people come and go through the doors of Celebrate Recovery. Those I see stay, and the testimonies I hear, bring hope and celebration! But, those who cannot fathom 
a better way than the destructive way they know leave me feeling sad.

My intentional front porch sittin’ in the morning, and late afternoon poolside times have certainly found a purpose... purposeful, intentional prayer over my friends and neighbors who are hurting in one-way or another; purposeful, intentional prayers of thanksgiving for the healing I’ve found in Jesus through Celebrate Recovery; purposeful, intentional prayers for my family, friends, and church.

As you come to the end of this blog post, I leave you with a question or two to ponder, questions I had hoped to share with the Ladies Class last night when the bell rang…

How are you hurting?

Who or what do you turn to for comfort?

There is hope. There is help. Perhaps if you join me in some front porch sittin’, in the stillness of the morning - pray, meditate on His word, listen to the birds – you just might find the fulfillment you’ve been looking for all along.

#bibleapp #celebraterecovery #timothynetwork #dbs #prayer #meditation #kellyminter

Jesus, Gandhi, and Michael Jackson

When I was 14 I went with a couple of girlfriends to see the Jackson’s Triumph Tour at the Municipal Auditorium in Nashville. Michael had recently gone solo and had released his “Off the Wall” album in 1979 (pre Thriller), featuring his hit song, “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough.” A song that is impossible for me to sit still through, from the moment I hear the first note. I had followed Michael’s career from his early days with his brothers and still tear up when I hear him sing “I’ll Be There.”

My most favorite Michael Jackson song of all time was released in 1987, titled “Man in the Mirror.” The lyrics have resonated with me since it’s release:

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, the preeminent leader of the Indian independence movement in British ruled India; was born on October 2, 1869. He was best known as ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi. ‘Mahatma’ means ‘Great Soul.’ Although this civil rights activist for South Africa was assassinated on January 30, 1948, his most famous quote continues to be as relevant today as the day he first spoke the words:

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I am a Christ follower. I am imperfect, and flawed, but I am an open, honest, struggling, follower of Jesus Christ. The words of Jesus are important to me. I find it very interesting when I hear His words or His message being repeated in the words and messages of men and women throughout our history.

Like Michael Jackson and Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus shared a message about looking inward as a way to change the world. Or I as I like to tell the children I nanny for frequently, “worry about yourself.” We have a tendency to look at the faults and flaws of others and make suggestions or recommendations of how “they” can be better people, make better choices, or do things better. Or worse, we rant and rave about “them,” and point fingers of blame.

Jesus’ parable in Matthew 7, beginning in verse 3 goes like this:

Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Have you ever stopped to think what the world would look like if each of us spent more time “worrying about ourselves?” I’m not saying that in the sense that ‘I’m going to take care of me and mine.’ Nor am I saying we shouldn’t take care of the needs of others. Quite the contrary, I’m saying it from the context of Jesus’ parable. If we simply spent more time on the ‘man in the mirror,’ the world might truly be a better place.

Many years ago I worked for a boss I didn’t like. I focused on her flaws, mistakes, communication issues, etc. It wasn’t my fault; I was great at my job, why should I change to her way of thinking when I was already successful. Wow! That major log or plank growing from my eye prevented me from having a positive relationship with my boss. I was too busy focusing on the speck in her eye, that I couldn’t see that the reason we were butting heads was that I was constantly hitting her with my ‘plank!’ While I no longer work for this particular boss, I assure you many lessons were learned during in that season.

The year 2013 was a milestone year in my life; my husband and I went through a major transformation in our marriage. I dare say the primary factor in this miraculous change had to do with our focus. Our focus shifted from each other’s ‘specks’ (the faults, problems or issues we had with each other), to working on our own ‘planks,’ or character defects. Our simple (not easy mind you) shift of focus towards God, asking His help in showing us our own flaws made all the difference in our world.

In this season, following an election that has generated so much controversy, conflict, and blame; I want to challenge you to change the world! Change your relationships, change your focus, and change your world. Start with that “man in the mirror.” “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

In Celebrate Recovery, we would refer to Steps 6 and 7:

Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” - James 4:10

Step 7: We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” - 1 John 1:9

You may have spent so much time pointing out the ‘speck’ in everyone else’s eye, that you hardly notice the ‘plank’ or ‘log’ in your own eye. I challenge you to examine yourself. Do you struggle with anger, anxiety, close mindedness, control, fear, gluttony, humility, impatience, intolerance, jealousy, perfectionism, prejudice, resentment…the list could literally go on and on. Chose one, just one character defect or ‘plank’ that you and the ‘man (or woman) in the mirror’ could start working on right now. If your world becomes a better place, OUR world will become a better place.

Go now, and “worry about yourself” and “be the change!” Together, we can make this world a better place.